Tending to Your Depths: Meditation Can Help
Written by Kyle Schauenberg
Thankfully, life offers us many highs: joyful, ecstatic and thrilling moments. But life is rhythm, and of course, we are also offered moments of extreme lows (sadness, loneliness, regret, shame, despair…the list goes on). I like to refer to this as “being in your our depths.” This is normal and a part of the human experience. These low moments might be caused by obvious life circumstances or they might be more mysterious.
In any case, we need practices that can help us to traverse our depths, facing them with courage, self-respect and a level of care that runs as deep as the moment is requesting. Most of us were never taught empowering techniques to show up for our depths with full acceptance and without judging ourselves, pathologizing ourselves or trying to “fix” ourselves. Meditation offers a suite of techniques to support the endeavor of showing up for ourselves in full authenticity and loving care.
Here are some tips I gleaned from my most recent dive into the depths:
Find Relief in Authenticity: When you’re feeling low, there is a lot of pressure to…well…not. Generally, people don’t love a downer and they want to “fix” you. Comments like “cheer up” and “what’s wrong” freely flow, practically involuntarily, from most people in the face of other people’s lows. It can feel like a lot of pressure to live up to people’s comfort level. Meditation creates a sanctuary to be with the authenticity of what is present in any given moment. And it offers a gigantic relief to simply feel what you’re feeling, because resisting requires a tremendous amount of energy. In this way, meditation feels like permission to feel and space to heal.
Remember Rhythm: Being in your depths requires so much courage. It helps to remember that everything in life is rhythm, and this too shall pass. I can always go deeper with more bravery when I remember that I will eventually come back. I also keep close at heart Robert Frost’s quote: “The only way out is through.” It’s a navigator to remind me that going into my depths directly, and feeling what is there, is exactly what will bring me out the other side.
Tether Yourself: If you are going to show up to your depths and follow the thread of your emotions all the way down and in, you will want to feel like you are safe. It helps to create a meditation that offers a sensation of being tethered to something solid and true. And there are innumerable doorways that offer that kind of tether. For starters, consider using simple, clear mantras, like I am or I am Love. Also, the breath is a beautiful mantra holding you and connecting you to the gift of the life force. Another idea is to meditate lying down on the solid embrace of the earth for literal grounding. If it feels available to you, you might also give over to your physical body, exploring subtle (or gigantic) movement in your meditations. This serves as another platform to express, cooperate with and explore your depths.
Communicate: Create space for yourself to go into your depths. It helps me when I consider these moments to be like unexpected house guests that I have to host. I must clear my calendar a bit in order to be hospitable to them. And I have to communicate to those closest to me that I am busy tending to my depths. Find language that feels clear and steadfast. This isn’t to worry those around you. It actually serves to relieve their worry, because they probably already knew something was unusual anyway.
All Hands on Deck: Call on all your tried and true nourishing tools, and modify them as your intuition guides you. Get more sleep. Eat your most nutrient-rich foods. Offer movement to your physical body. Pull your comforts close. Wear that favorite sweater that feels like a hug.
Get Real Hugs: Ask for physical care. You have people around you that will hold you. Cash in.
Offer Your Depths a Treat: If it’s sadness that’s arrived, take a break for a comedy show. If it’s shame, look back at some of your moments of glory. If it’s despair, offer yourself a little time to daydream about a future hope or exciting upcoming plan. Do this just once in a while - as you see fit - during these moments of depth, to remind your body of its full spectrum of emotion. Also chocolate might help.
Be on Your Own Side: While it’s useful to offer your depths a treat, take care not to force anything. Even smiling for a photo when you really don’t want to can feel like a mini self-betrayal. And probably won’t work anyway - you’ll just look like you’re faking it.
Ask for Help: Consult your coach, therapist or spiritual teacher. And call in help from whatever brings you a sense of love and faith. For many, this means prayer or connection to their spiritual guides. For others, this means immersing in nature or connecting to the power of their physical body. And for many, it means summoning their soul wisdom and intuitive skills.
Remember that acceptance of what you are feeling is authentic and respectful towards yourself. And it’s the first act of courage toward embarking into your depths. When you let yourself go there, you will gain new self-knowledge. And you will tap into the wisdom that comes from processing your emotional body. And ultimately, you will gain access to deeper intuition and creativity that are just waiting to be unearthed.
